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Voices Against Injustice

A Myth that Should Never had been: Demythologising feminism

A brief by Clarissa Lee

Nowadays, being a feminist is worse than being covered with broken sores from head to toe. Many men and women would either shudder off, or tease you, should you mention that you are a feminist. If you read the letters section in women's magazines, you will notice, that whenever a woman/"woman" comments on a piece dealing with issues that has anything to do with women, they always begin with this disclaimer "I am not a feminist but..."

Some women and men tell me that they do not believe in feminism because it seems to advocate for special rights of women, and serves to advance the cause of already privileged women. In which case, perhaps we should all stop fighting for causes in the world, because even if you fight for rights for everyone, the end product would always include the advancement of men and women who are already privileged. Obviously, those who declare war with feminism have never heard of the trickle down effect. All forms of revolution or movement always, and mostly, start with the educated and the privileged before trickling down to the "proletariats". These bourgeois have the leisure time but not as much to lose as the ruling class. The "proletariats" have no time and a lot more to lose should the venture fail. The French revolution was started by a rising middle-class, as were socialism and Marxism that supposedly fought for the rights of the working-class. Closer home, our agitation for independence was not started by illiterate peasants. Those privileged white women who lived off the spoils of our colonial disenfranchisement were among the first advocates of feminism to be recorded in history, but they were far from being the first to be conscious of the rights of women. We have to give that cake to the primitive matriarchal and communal-like societies.

The point is, feminism is not a fashionable mantle that you put on or discard at will, just as you do not take on or discard a religious affinity at will, even if this seems to be the trend lately. It comes packaged with certain values and identities you choose to practise and adhere to in your daily lives. There will always some women who would advocate for preferential treatment for themselves despite having the world at their feet. It is part of human nature to covet. Part of human nature to be selfish, milking the system for all it is worth. But, should we let these few prima donnas destroy everything that our foremothers have worked so hard for? What about the women who have yet to fully reap the benefits of emancipation that have been fought for? Would any of the comfortable middle-class magazine readers dare go to their less privileged sisters and tell them that women are already having it good? Would a woman want to return to an age where they are bereft of their properties and rights, even as they lightly dismiss feminism, little realising the disastrous outcome of their renouncement? The backlash against feminism which is so rampant now would not only be disastrous to women, but also to the men themselves. I will shortly explain why.

Firstly, there is a need to clear up the difference between the -ism and the -ist. Feminism is basically a movement/idea that has developed in light of concerns over issues related to women. Feminism and has often been confused with genderism, the latter being a field that grew out of concerns with traditional and limited construction of the meaning and roles of gender. Feminism is concerned first and foremost with women. But, that does not mean that a man cannot be interested in feminism. Why? Because feminism questions the very fabric of a structure that constrains and limits the freedom men and women alike. It questions what it means to be a woman or a man. Genderism grew out of this initial inquiry as both genders begin to realise that they are mutually harmed by stereotypical demands exerted on them, demands that are not always realistic, nor forgiving of differences in opinions. Feminism is concerned first and foremost with the oppression of women. And it is not men who are singled out as the oppressors (though some more radical feminists might have done so), but the system in general. But, as the system had been encoded under the rule of men, therefore, men are seen as part of the oppressive system. Even as the men are the oppressors, in the act of oppressing women, they are also oppressing themselves as they have to live out unreal and unforgiving expectations of themselves.

A feminist, on the other hand, is someone who is interested in the study and discourse of feminism, and in seeing the ideals of feminism put in practise. A feminist can be male or female. However, we need to be aware that, whereas feminism is an idea that borders on the ideal, feminists are humans. Hence, as humans, they too have their own agendas to push. The failings of a person should not be used as a measurement against an idea. The idea may be far from perfect, but it is built through the sweat and tears of groups of people who have ideals that might be divorced from the everyday drudgery.

Let us say that the men have much to gain from the oppression of women, as they reap the benefits of having free sexual and domestic service, but what is the resulting quality of life? Perhaps they will be bored. Perhaps they will have an affair on the side to spice things up a bit. But are they able to reap the consequences of their action? In the days when women have little to no rights (there are still women of this day and age trapped in this time-warp for whatever reasons), many unmarried women, divorcees and widows have to use their cunning (often been erroneously referred to as womanly wiles) in order to entrap a man to provide them with some sort of financial security. Yes, she will have sex with you, but you have to pay for her maintenance and everything else, and maybe even for her kids, should she have any. You think you can get away with free rides (metaphorically and literally). But that is not how the real world works, as time has proved again and again. But if all women are denied the right to be intelligent and be interesting the way some men are, the men would soon be bored again. A man wants a partner who bothers to look good, who can understand and engage with him. But how much time does a woman have for care of self or mind if she is expected to be on call 24 hours a day every single day in order to respond to the needs of the family, though that said, you can always hire help for everything if you can afford to. From nannies, to butlers, to kitchen maids, to gardeners, drivers, and the list goes on. One of the calls of feminism is for the rise of companionate marriage, one that is fulfilling to both parties. Family life is a double edged sword. It cuts into the lives of both men and women. For many women, family-life is as fulfilling as it is burdensome. We have been conditioned to look at the bright side. So we will.

Working under this condition of patriarchy, a man would have to prove that he is a REAL man. So, lo and behold a man, who doesn't like sports, doesn't jock-talk with the boys at the pubs of mamak-stalls, couldn't care less about technology (read as automotives and gadgets) or who are not willing to be the one dishing out all the money in a relationship. A man who shows his emotions or cry is not manly, as is man who wants to be a dancer, hairdresser, makeup artist or fashion designer. A man who earns less than his female partner is seen as a failure. A man without a steady income or secure job is not worthy of consideration. Now, would we want that?

Feminism is not about sponging on anyone's generosity. It is meant to correct the problems and inequities that have plague the relationships between both sexes in the past. As popular articles in women's and mens magazines have shown again and again, this inequity has led to problems of communications between men and women. Why? Because there are always certain unrealistic expectations by men and women of each other and of themselves. There is hardly any room for something more fluid and flexible, or unconventional. Feminism is one means of providing societies with more able workers, more alternatives and possible solutions to their problems. Feminism seeks to point out covert ways in which a supposedly neutral system actually institutionalised sexism. When is the last time you looked at the laws of your country?

Tokenism is also another problem that skews ones understanding of feminism. We forget that again and again, a few women on top do not mean that feminism has won. We have to analyse the background of these women, their private and public lives. Why are they on top and how did they stay on top? And are they really secure there, or is it merely a superficial facade? Or are they there to fill the quota, allowed in by men who buckled under the pressures of lobbyists?

So, when one next says "I am not a feminist but...", think about what you are doing to yourself, to your children and to society...

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